Elections 2024: If your favourite local celebrities were elected president

Siv Ngesi. Picture: Supplied

Siv Ngesi. Picture: Supplied

Published May 26, 2024


South Africans are gearing up to make their mark on May 29 as people come out to vote in the 2024 national and provincial elections. The anticipated event will elect a new National Assembly as well as legislatures in each of the nine provinces of SA. The country will see its seventh general elections since 1994.

The elections date was officially announced by President Cyril Ramaphosa on February 20.

As the country prepares to turn over a new leaf, we caught up with local celebrities to ask them what changes they would make if they were to be elected president.

Media personality Siv Ngesi said: “I would step down and make Mmusi Maimane president. Firstly I would make sure sanitary pads are free in this country and then I would put all the money into safety of police, I would cut down my cabinet and make sure I send all the corrupt bastards to jail.”

Grandmaster Ready D. Picture: Supplied

Grandmaster Ready D said: “I would focus on morality and principles, implement strong ethical values within my inner circle. I would fight corruption: Establish a task force to recover stolen funds and punish perpetrators, re-allocate recovered funds to their intended purposes.

“This demonstrates a zero-tolerance approach to crime. Revamp Education and Healthcare: Overhaul and improve these critical systems as part of broader reforms. Prioritise vulnerable populations by ensuring care and dignity for youth, elderly, and disabled citizens.

I will lead by example: On the first day, announce salary reductions for myself and the cabinet. Salary increases will be tied to fulfilling campaign promises.

Tyrone Paulsen. Picture: Supplied

Radio host and DJ Tyrone Paulsen said: “If I was president, my first order of business is to make it a four-day working week, as well as adding the gatsby and a vienna chips parcel as the national food of South Africa. I would get all the unused buildings, like warehouses, office blocks around the country and convert these to housing. This way more people can have decent living conditions.

“Furthermore I would encourage more citizens to work in the public sector, like policing, teachers, in municipalities, the army, etc. by incentivising them with things like free healthcare, housing, schooling etc. similar to what is done in India. This hopefully means, the sector could thrive and more people will work and take care of their families and the general public.

“Lastly, I would ensure that all ministers have KPIs that is measured on their performance, if they don't perform, no bonuses or they even lose part of their benefits.”

Alfred Adriaan. Picture: Supplied

Comedian Alfred Adriaan said: “I will bring back corporal punishment for all criminals over 18. If you step out of line, you will get a beating. Day one sees everyone with a corruption charge against them suspended until your case is done. If you are found guilty you are fired immediately and if you steal, you get a good pak slae (beating). Imagine you catch a civil servant stealing from the people and you give him a hiding on his bum, the body takes differently to a hiding when you over 20, it stays with you as a reminder to keep your hands in your pockets.”

Kurt Schoonraad. Picture: Supplied

Comedian Kurt Schoonraad said, “On my first day in office I would lay down some important new rules: Professional photographers to be employed for campaign posters, no more sleepwear in public after noon, change Beki Cele's portfolio from minister of police to minister of fashion and funny hats, go cashless in South Africa, nothing strange will pop up in couches anymore. Since we have appointed a minister of electricity, surely I appoint a minister of potholes. I propose Aunty Pat.

“We'll start off by honouring the past by having an early nap until about noon. We'll follow that with delegating all of the rest of my tasks to my 10 assistants. We'll conclude by throwing a cocktail party and extend an invitation to all the business leaders who are interested in providing creative bribes.

“We'll favour Woolies board members, alcohol producers and luxury German Automobile Manufacturers. Nothing much different to the previous leadership really!”

Lourensa Eckard. Picture: Supplied

Talk show host Lourensa Eckard said, “If I were the president of the country my first priority would be economic growth. As such, I would do away with economic policies that restrict growth and I would make appointments based on merit only.

“On day one of the job I will reduce my cabinet to five portfolios, these being education, health, police, treasury and international relations. There will be no VIP protection unit for me as president or my cabinet, as you would not need protection from the people you serve if you do your job well. The billions saved by cutting cabinet and VIP protection services will be paid as bonuses to teachers and police officers.”

Clayton Evertson. Picture: Supplied

Actor Clayton Evertson wants to sort out load shedding once and for all.

“I cannot stand load shedding, so that would be priority one. Then I would make a four-day work week. Let's just see how it works out for minimum four years. I'd make braaiday once a month because celebrating Heritage Day for one day a year isn't enough. Also I love a good braai! Free schooling and more pay for teachers.”

“I'd love to say that day one would be me getting the cabinet together in a war room type set-up and figuring out a four year plan to fix over 20 plus years of mistakes but in all honesty, I'd probably start panicking at the task at hand, lock myself in the office, call my therapist and together try to figure out how I ended up in the position I'm in. So, to be clear, I'd spend my first day trying to get fired.”

Jawaahier Petersen. Picture: Supplied

Jawaahier Petersen: “It's a job that I thought 12-year-old Jawaahier wanted but as I grew older and as I became aware of the state of South Africa in terms of our history, our society, our economy, our demographics, all of that, it's a job that I would never want.

“It's a big responsibility upon your shoulders that I think that you really have to be somebody special to be able to take that job. Especially if I think about managing my own household is just a husband and two children. Imagine you're responsible for millions of people and meeting millions of people's needs, which are also inherited problems from the neighbours from other areas coming into your home.”

Salome Damon-Johansen

Media personality Salome Damon-Johansen said: “One of the changes I would do is to give more job opportunity to people and I've seen that there isn't much for the youth of our country, the government should invest in more opportunity for them and create programmes. I would look after the elderly and also make sure organisations are funded to support them.”

B-Boy Emile Jansen. Picture: Supplied

Dancer and hip hop activist Emile Jansen said he would insist that all corporate funding for any politician should be scrapped immediately.

“So you can't get any money from any businesses. Only people who are working in the community are allowed to stand for election. No ad hoc people who just have a good idea, but are not doing the work. So you have to have a track record of working the community co-signed by the community in order for you to actually stand for any political party, the community has to co-sign you as a actual politician.”

Wayne McKay. Picture: File

Comedian Wayne McKay said: “I would make sure that all our youth are employed, so they can help steer this country to the way it were many, many years ago. And then, of course, made sure that we do not have these load shedding ever again.

“I'll keep municipalities accountable for what they do in each province. I'll reduce Parliament's membership, those who are at a certain age, they will need early forced retirement and try and make sure that we have capable ministers when the directive is given.”